Exodus 20:12
Please turn in your copy of the
Old Testament to the book of Exodus. Our reading today is
Exodus chapter 20, verse 12. As we prepare to read from God’s
word, I remind you that the 10 commandments are couched. They are in the context of redemption. God begins. speaking to Israel,
he begins speaking to the church by saying, I am the Lord your
God who brought you out of the land of Egypt, out of the house
of bondage, out of the house of Pharaoh. Then he goes through
his commandments to them, the moral law, the 10 commandments.
The first four commandments relate to our duty towards God and the
latter six relate to our duty towards man. And so we consider
these things as we look to God’s word Exodus chapter 20, verse
12, honor your father and your mother, that your days may be
long in the land that the Lord your God is giving you. This
is God’s holy and inspired word. It is written for us. Let’s pray
now and ask for his grace that we might hear our God and heavenly
father. We do thank you for your holy
word, for your moral law for the Ten Commandments, even today
the Fifth Commandment. And we pray that what is written
in it, what it teaches us, what it requires of us, what it forbids
of us, would be written on our hearts, that it would be ingrained
in our minds, and that we would be quick to run to obey it. We need your help and your grace
and your mercy to accomplish this. So give it now. Give us
your spirit that we might hear, believe, Treasure and obey these
very words. In Jesus name we pray. Amen. The question before us today
is this. What do children owe their parents? If you’re in sort
of a humorous mood, you might add up the cost of raising them.
and you might come up with some figure somewhere in the hundreds
of thousands of dollars, and if you paid for their education,
you might double that figure. Some of you may say your children
owe you at least three years of therapy. Maybe some of you
would say a simple thank you here and there, or if you’re
a good traditional American, I want a rose on Mother’s Day
and a nice necktie on Father’s Day. Well, the scriptures give
us an answer to this question. What do children owe their parents? What do What do we as children
owe our parents? How does the scripture answer
that? Well, we read from Exodus chapter 20 verse 12, God’s instructions
to the covenant community. He is speaking to Israel. He’s speaking to the collective
group, but he also speaks. He zeroes in on individuals. Sometimes we wonder, does God
speak to children in the Bible? Well, we have that answer, don’t
we? God speaks to a wide audience, the church. But he often speaks
as well to a narrow audience, individuals or classes of people. Have you noticed in the New Testament
in particular how God speaks to pastors? First and second,
Timothy is a good example. He speaks to elders. Peter tells
them to shepherd the flock of God. He speaks to deacons. You
must be the husband of one wife or parents. Do not exasperate
your children. Raise them up in the nurture
and admonition of the Lord. He speaks to husbands. Love your
wives as Christ loved the church. Well, in our passage today, as
well as a couple of New Testament passages we’ll consider, we will
see that God himself speaks directly to children. He does so in the
Ten Commandments. He does so because In the old
covenant, and same is true today, it was like social glue. The culture of the old covenant
was just as rotten as is ours today. Sin was just as real. The devil was lurking just as
he is now. And so God gave his commands,
his moral law, that the covenant community might keep together.
He gave his moral law that the nation of Israel might not fall
apart. And as you make your way to the
New Testament, you see that God does not do away with the parent
and child relationship. As we consider this fifth commandment
today, understand this first is a prescriptive command. It doesn’t say do not. But it
says do notice the other commandments are do not have idols. Do not
fashion gods. Do not profane the Sabbath day. Do not do X, Y, or Z. Do not
murder. But here he says. Honor your
father and mother. It’s a prescription. It’s a prescribed
rule of order. But something else we’ll notice
as we make our way through the consideration of this commandment,
that God requires certain things in keeping commandments, but
he also forbids other things. One other thing to take notice
of is this. There is a blessing attached to keeping the commandment.
Honor your father and mother that you may live long And as
Deuteronomy adds, when it gives the Ten Commandments, that you
may live long and prosper in the land which the Lord your
God is giving you. I don’t know how many of you
are Star Trek fans. I’m not. And I can’t even do
that little thing with the hand, you know, where you make the
little gesture. But what is the Star Trek mantra? Live long and
prosper. Well, they just ripped that off,
right, from the Ten Commandments directly related to children.
Maybe some of you dads or moms, if your kids are a little testy
around the house, hey, you need to say with that little Vulcan
thing, live long and prosper, kiddo, or it’s to outer space
you go or something like that. But here’s the question. What
do children owe their parents? I’m gonna get this backwards,
I know. What do children owe their parents? Well, the first
thing is this, it is honor. Children owe their parents honor. We read in the fifth commandment,
honor your father and your mother, that it may go well with you
in the land that the Lord your God is giving you. Or as Deuteronomy
adds to it, that you may live long and prosper in the land
the Lord your God is giving you. Ephesians chapter six, children,
obey your parents. in all things, for this is pleasing
in God’s sight. And in the book of Colossians,
when the apostle Paul is speaking to various relationships, he
says that children are to obey their parents. Well, what does
it mean to honor your parents? Well, it means to give them reverence,
to give them respect, to give them the honor that is due them.
Now, I don’t know how well you know the worship words of the
Bible, but as you read through the Psalms, as you read through
the Old Testament law, when God says to honor him, when he says
to fear him, when he says to reverence me, and then somewhere
else in the Bible, he uses those same words towards parents. You
begin to see God uses those worship words for our relationship with
our parents. Now, does that mean we worship
our parents? No. But we fear them, we reverence
them, we honor them, we respect them in a small picture way of
our big picture relationship with God. If God is to be feared
as our father, should we not also fear our earthly fathers?
You see, we mirror in our earthly relationships the greater reality
of our human or our relationships with God. So our little relationships
on Earth are little pictures of our ultimate relationships
between ourselves and God. So when we are told, honor your
parents, it’s in a similar vein as we honor God. When we are
told to respect our parents, to fear them, to reverence them,
we consider that we do so with God in a supreme way, but we
do so with our parents in a subordinate way. We honor them. We follow
them. We reverence them. We we fear them. You see, children,
God has placed your parents over you. God has designed that children
grow up in a home on the back of my grandparents home. I remember
growing up, going into their little greenhouse. That must
have been a fad of the 1960s or so to have your own little
hothouse. And they had one. And we went in there often and
it was dirty and spidery and nothing really growing. But what
was the point of a greenhouse? It was a place for sun. It was
a place for moisture. It was a place for plants to
grow outside of the elements of normal weather. And that is
what a home is like for children. It is a greenhouse where they
may have all the proper nourishment and needs met, but not all the
wind and weather of the world just yet. And so the home is
a greenhouse. And God places parents over children
to be in a God-like relationship over us. And so the honor and
reverence that is due God is in a small way, in some shape
or form, it is due to our parents. For God has put them over us.
Now, God is superior, right? He is ultimate. And our parents
are not so. But you see the connection between
the relationship. One of the things you’ll find
if you read the Westminster shorter and larger catechism on the Ten
Commandments is that it divides people into categories, superiors. Inferiors and equals. Children,
your parents are your superior. There’s no way around it. That’s
what God has designed. Your parents are over you. They
rule over you. They direct you. They guide you.
And you are their inferior. You are not, as the world thinks,
their equal. We see so much democracy in the
homes where most of the time the children win. But that is
not the way God has designed it. So we are told to honor our
parents. You look at how God has created
other institutions. In the Bible, you look at how
he’s instituted the church. Well, there’s a pecking order
in the church, right? There’s elders, there’s deacons, there’s
members. And God tells us that we are
submit to those in authority over us the same way with the
government and other God-ordained institution. God has given us
government and authorities to rule over us. And so we live
best when we live within those institutions. When moms and dads
and governors and elders do their jobs, The children, the church
and even the citizens do thrive. But we are to esteem. We are
to value. We are to exalt. We are to give
proper respect and importance to our parents. Now, what is
culture saying to us? Culture says we don’t need the
government or we don’t need the church and we don’t need the
family. All we need are individuals and the government. And so you
cut out the family and we see very well, we see very clearly
what happens when you remove the church and the family from
culture. Parenting is out, political correctness
is in, equality and removal of authority and superiors and inferiors
is out. And so we are finding ourselves
as a culture in great trouble because we have done away with
We have done away with the institutions God has given to us. But children,
let me say this to you very clearly. Your parents are God’s representative
to you and they are do they are worthy your honor and your respect. Now, a couple of questions may
come to your mind. At what age do I no longer respect my parents?
At what age do I no longer honor them? I would say this to you.
It may shift, it may adjust as you say leave and cleave and
become one flesh with your husband or wife and you move away from
the home. It may change as you grow in age, but it never, ever,
ever goes away. We should always honor and respect
our parents for they are worthy. Now let’s widen this just a little
bit. The shorter catechism, the larger
catechism makes An inference, a good inference, I believe that
this teaches us that where someone is an authority over us, whether
it be a governing authority, an elder in the church, a parent
or a school teacher or someone who has authority over us, we
should give them the honor that is due their office. We should
give them the respect that is due their title. And the fifth
commandment is a really wide and broad category. Some of you
may think this sermon is only to children. No, it’s to all
of us. It’s to all of us, for we all have parents and there’s
an older age through which we should respect our parents. But
this relates, it informs, it helps us understand the rest
of our relationships. I remember a few years ago, hearing
a man preach on, I forget what it was on, but he made this reference.
He said that when we watch and listen to all of these political
talk shows, that demean and tear down and destroy the credibility
of those who rule over us. He said, we’re breaking the fifth
commandment. And you know, I think he’s right. We are very quick
in our culture to dishonor, to disrespect, to discredit, to
tear down, to prove and to show and undermine someone’s authority.
And maybe in cases that’s, that’s due. But friends, we should be
careful. We should be careful to honor
our fathers and mothers, our schoolteachers, our governing
authorities, the elders over us in the church, for God has
seen fit to establish these institutions. You say, how does this look in
my life? Put it to practical application
for me. Give me some to do’s. Well, I
don’t give you any to do’s, but I will tell you this. In your
heart. And in your speech and in your
behavior, we should honor those who have authority over us. That’s
pretty broad isn’t it? In our heart, in our speech,
and in our behavior, we should honor those in authority over
us. For we heard from Jesus himself that what defiles us is not what
comes in us, it is what comes out of us. And so what if our
heart is filled with hatred and disrespect and dishonor for those
in authority? Then what comes out will be disrespect.
What comes out will be poor speech and wrong behavior towards those
who are in authority over us. So back to our question, what
do children owe their parents? First, they owe them honor. Second,
they owe them obedience. Now, here we go down a very politically
incorrect track, but we read the Bible and it speaks to us
very clearly. Children Obey your parents, for
this is right. Children, obey your parents,
for this is pleasing in the sight of God. It may not be pleasing
in the sight of the world. It may not be politically correct.
Your parents may not even expect it of you. But it says, children,
obey your parents. God has put people. He’s put
persons in place to act for God on your behalf. And sometimes
those people, whether it’s elders or parents or governors or whomever,
they are not very God like toward us. And we need to consider that
in just a moment. But God has put people in place.
to act in his stead for your good. God further instructs parents
to raise their children in the nurture and in the admonition
of the Lord to give them wisdom and skills. You remember the
book of Deuteronomy, chapter six. It’s after God has given
the law a second time. He’s gone right through the Ten
Commandments. Well, next chapter, chapter six, he tells the parents,
when you sit, when you walk, When you stand or whenever you
go by the way you are to teach your children who God is, what
God has done and what God requires of them. People ask me all the
time, why do you why do you homeschool your children? And I give them
some little answers here and there. But here’s here’s the
here’s the real reason. It’s my job to teach my children
to love God. and to live well in the world
he has made. It is no one else’s job. Now, I may outsource some
of that. I may put a godly man or woman
in the path of my children. I may put them in the path of
their grandparents or there may be a school or an education system
that can help. But friends, at the end of the
day, when I stand before God, he will say, did you teach your
kids to love me? and to live well in the world
that I have made. And my hope is to say, yes, but that is simple,
simply the requirement God gives of parents. Your children need
to learn to love God and live well in the world that he has
made. And I would even add to that
not only to live well in the world that he has made, but the
world he has made and put them in dominion over. Remember the
command in Genesis, have dominion over the earth. We’ve got to
teach our children, yes, to love God, yes, to live well in this
world, but to rule it and to rule it with excellence and grace. And God says wherever you go,
when you sit, when you walk, when you rise, when you stand
at the kitchen table, driving in your automobile on the way
to the beach, in the grocery store, you teach your children
who God is, what he has done and what he requires of them.
Look to the Proverbs. What is Proverbs? It’s a book
that primarily is a father giving instruction to his son. If you
read Proverbs, it says over and over, my son, do this and you
will live. My son, do not go this way or
that way, for it will lead you to death. And so, brothers and
sisters, when we ask the question, what is it that children owe
their parents? Yes, it’s honor, but it’s obedience.
But friends, we better be teaching them something. We best be teaching
them godliness, who God is, what he’s done, what he’s required,
how to live well in the world he’s made and giving them dominion
over. But there’s a practical side
to this as well. And that is this. Do we expect
obedience from our children? I can’t tell you how many times
I sit in public and I see middle aged adults being ruled by children. And you see it in this way. Don’t
make me come over there. Well, that’s exactly what that
child is going to do. He’s going to make a fool out
of you. Don’t make me count to 10. And next thing you know,
this person has used all their fingers and their toes and every
other bit of something they can count with. I watch parents over
and over and over not expecting obedience. And so what’s a good
rule of thumb? We expect obedience right away.
all the way in a happy way. And why is that? Simply put,
because that is what obedience is. Friends, that’s what God
requires of us. And that’s what we should teach
our children and expect from them, because how will they learn
when they get older to obey God right away, all the way in a
happy way, if they can’t do it for you? You see what you were
teaching them, what you were expecting from them sets them
up for either future failure or future success. You know,
we wonder sometimes why the church is not filled with the next generation
of children. All kinds of reasons. But may
it never be said that one is that we fail to teach them who
God is and what he’s done and what he requires of us. So we
teach, we expect obedience right away, all the way in a happy
way. Otherwise, we are expecting from them disobedience. And we
see in the scriptures, it is replete with example after example
of Israel failing to obey God, their father. And they end up
as fools. They end up as exiles. They end
up without blessings, but with curses. And ultimately, they
end up removed from the land. God often calls his children
stiff-necked. He calls them rebellious. He
calls them adulterers. He calls them fools. But you
see, God has given us a way as big children and little children.
We listen to his word and we obey it. And he blesses. You
know, we’re living in a world full of, I don’t know what better
to call it, maybe psychobabble. No offense to those who live
and work in that department. But we have said God’s word doesn’t
work with children. We say things like Solomon who
wrote the Proverbs or God himself who wrote the Proverbs. He doesn’t
know what it’s like to raise 21st century children. And so
we rely on the experts of our day. And they would never say
do what God says. No, just let your child become
themselves. And you see where that’s brought
us today. We have children who know no boundaries. We see adults
who know no boundaries. We see we see a generation, a
culture of people who know no boundaries because they don’t
know who God is and what he’s done and what he requires of
them. And you see, when you choose
the word of God or the word of man. You are making a very serious
distinction and decision in your life. And so what do children
owe their parents? They owe them obedience, but
we’ve got to teach them his word and his ways. You think about
the other institutions God has. He’s designed, he’s given us
the church, and how does God rule his church? He rules his
church through the elders. And what has God given to the
elders to enforce obedience? He’s given the keys to the kingdom.
The other Sunday night, as we made our way through our little
section of the Heidelberg catechism, we read about the keys to the
kingdom. God gives us the gospel to be preached. This is the way
of God. Walk you in it. But then God
also gives the other keys of discipline. You’re not walking
in God’s ways. We restrict you from the communion
table. We put you out of the fellowship in order that you
might come to a place of repentance and faith again in God and that
you might grow in the house. God has given governors the sword
and he says, bear it. They bear it not in vain. Their
sword is to punish evil and their task is to commend what is good. God gives means in order to enforce
his rules. What does he give to parents?
He gives the rod. The book of Proverbs over and
over and says, withhold not instruction from your children, spare the
rods, spoil the child. When you withhold God’s ways
from your children. You’re going to raise pagans.
That’s what the scripture tells us, and if you don’t believe
it, try it. God gives us a way and he gives
us means and he says, hear me, believe me, obey me, and that’s
what he tells us to do with our children. To teach them to hear
our word, to believe our word and to obey our word. If they can’t now, they won’t
later. And that is quite a true thing. So how do we how do we enforce
obedience with our children? How do we how do we encourage
them in the gospel way? First, they need to see us obey
God. If your children do not see you
in your word, on your knees and even repenting with them. You’ve
got no credibility. But what does God give us in
order that we enforce obedience in the home? He gives us the
rod. And so we can argue with our children. We can count to
100. We can threaten, we can reward,
we can do all kinds of things. But you know what’s the bottom
line? And I found that it works best is we simply say, sorry,
kiddo. You obey me, I obey God, and
this is what he’s given. And we’re going to be blessed
for it. There will be pain and there will be sorrow, but God
will give us blessing. And friends, I can’t tell you
what a great grace it is to see God’s prescription and to follow
it and to see the blessing and the benefit from it. Mothers
and fathers, you are God’s mouthpiece to your children. Now, what does
this look like when we get older? Should we still obey our parents?
Well, you know, it’s good to ask your parents advice. Mom,
Dad, I know I’m 35 years old or 46 years old or 63 years old,
but you’ve lived lots more life than I. What do you say about
this house or this job change or this investment or are we
failing with our children? What do you say about how we’re
raising our little ones? What do you say about these things?
It’s good to ask our parents. No, we’re not under obligation
to obey them. But we would do well to let them
speak into our lives. So what is it that children owe
their parents? It’s honor. It’s obedience. But there’s a third thing, and
it’s probably something you’ve never thought of, but I want
you to consider it well. And it’s simply this word. You
owe them care. Children owe their parents care. In first Timothy chapter five,
the apostle Paul speaking to Timothy, who pastors the church
at Ephesus, he says that if a man will not take care of his own
household, he has done worse than denying the faith. And so
when we read the word honor your parents, we have to understand
that in their culture, in their context, it had some financial
value to it. Now, my dad is always joking
that when we got out of college that he got us off the payroll
and then that roles would reverse. We’d start sending a check home.
I guarantee that hasn’t happened yet. But there is something about
children rendering some sort of value to their parents. You
know, we’re living in a time with Social Security and long
term care insurance. We’re living in a time where
there are Roth IRAs and 403s and ones and whatever else, pensions.
And so often our parents are financially independent. But
our parents do have needs that we will at some point in time
need to meet. And in God’s economy, he says
a family should take care of a family. But in the case where
there is no family, the church becomes the family to that familyless
person. This is something we talked about
the other evening at our ladies training. We talked about widows.
If a widow is truly a widow, then she is our widow and we
take care of her with everything we have. And especially this
day in time, what if there’s a woman who’s been abandoned
by her husband? He’s left her destitute. Then the church takes
care. But friends, that’s something
we need to think about and consider with our parents. What do we
owe them? We owe them our care. It’s a role reversal. Yes. But
they took care of you when you were helpless. And so in the
days when they’re advanced in age and they become helpless,
maybe emotionally or physically or financially or even health-wise,
we say, it’s my turn to step in. Now, this is a little tricky.
We have nursing homes and nurses who will come into the house
and take care. We have long-term care and all these vehicles for
caring for aging loved ones. But never, ever disinvolve yourself
with your parents. You make sure that they land
on the doorstep of heaven safely and whole. And loved and cared
for by you, whatever that may look like, but never abandon
your parents and the aged ones. So how are we to consider these
things? Well, here’s a bottom line question for you, and it’s
not this, what do you owe your parents? It’s what do you owe
God? Let us pray together. Our Lord
and God, we thank you that you give us the home. You give us
mothers and fathers who cherish us, who love us and care for
us. And they put our feet firmly on the ground through education
and training and morals and food in our stomachs, a little money
in our pockets even. And they make it so that we can
succeed in life. We thank you, Father, for giving
them to us. We pray that we would honor and love and respect and
obey and care for them in all the ways we should. Thank you
for them. But we do pray that out of gratitude
for the grace given us in Christ Jesus, we would do these things
not out of duty, but out of a delight to please you. Help us in this,
we pray in Jesus name. Amen. Let’s stand together as
we conclude and sing about a Christian home, number 535.