Dad passed away in April. He spent his last few weeks of life in the ICU. He did not “go gentle into that good night”. No, he continued to give marching orders between labored breaths, bits of advice for the situations he knew about in our lives, and he dictated a few more editorials. As one’s life ebbs away, I suppose you think in more ultimate terms. Foolishness and triviality quickly fade and vanish. This is what we discussed about forgiveness.
I’ve never had anyone say to me, “I wish I had never forgiven them.” Unforgiveness is one of the cruelest things you can ever do against yourself. For Christians, who begin the Christian life with mercy and forgiveness from God, to fail to forgive others is wrong. To refuse to be forgiving is rank disobedience.
Unforgiveness creates an emotional focus on the person who hurt you. You begin to think that what’s been done to you is greater than what Jesus did for you. You believe that your scars are permanent. In reality, scars are not proof that someone hurt you, but that Jesus is healing you. In focusing on the person who hurt us and not the Savior who forgave us, we become like those we hate. We become controlling; we avoid others at all costs. If you think about it, your relationships last only until someone sins against you. To be in a relationship with another sinner will lead to hurt and broken relations. In due time, without forgiveness, you will have no relationships at all.
Jesus told a parable of the unforgiving servant. The man was in two lifetimes of debt, and his master forgave it all. His wounded vanity and self-righteousness led him to a small debtor who owed him a few bucks. When the man couldn’t pay, he grabbed him by the throat and said, “Pay me what you owe me. Now!” Refusing to offer the same mercy he had received, he had the man imprisoned. His master heard of it and was angry. He rescinded his grace and had the man bound for his great debt.
Forgiveness is letting loose. In Jesus’s day, it was release from bondage, slavery, or a contract. Granting and receiving forgiveness are freeing. For the Christian, forgiveness is not optional. In fact, in Jesus’s lesson on how to pray, he offers this: “Forgive us our debts as we forgive our debtors.” We should take care to freely forgive others as Jesus has done for us. If we don’t, we will destroy the bridge of mercy we also must pass over ourselves.